I haven’t blogged in months. I felt I had nothing of value to say. I have been feeling disheartened, unhappy and all around disillusioned. Thoughts and words that crowded my mind were nearly always negative, dismal and full of despair. Why should my words of pathos bring everyone else down, I felt. Who really cares about my travails?
The demands of my new job, I felt weighed upon me. The struggles I faced with adjusting to my new role, the uphill task of proving my capabilities I resented. After all these years why should I have to struggle, why should I have to prove myself again? Why is everything so difficult? Why can’t I have something come to me easily.
For once I would like a blessing without disguise, something that just slaps me in the face reeking of good fortune and sheer good luck!
I carried this cloud over my head for a better part of two months. I walked around grudging everything, feeling sorry for myself.
Then to add to my misery I fell sick, nothing life threatening but to my mind it could have well been just that. I felt wretched, pathetic. My head hurt, my body ached every part of me wanted to just curl up and hibernate!
I spent hours fantasizing if only I was a bear, I could spend the entire winter sleeping and not care about the world. If only I didn’t have so many responsibilities. If only I had more money. If only …if only…why me.
Family from back home visited us, they waxed eloquent about what a lovely house we have, what a charmed independent life we lead. They commended our hard work at making a successful life for ourselves abroad. Friends met up with me and openly praised my fortune on the new job my new role. I heard none of it.
Several days I woke up thinking, God please today make something work for me. Today let it be the day I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Reading is an automatic habit for me. It is a natural act for me to pick up a book each night and read a few lines before I turn in. I read to pass the time while waiting for a bus, I read when sleep evades me, I read when my head feels too full of contradicting thoughts, I read to ease my mind, I read to escape my reality at times.
And so it was couple of nights ago wanting to escape my reality I picked up a book. I did not bother to check which one, I picked it anyway, turned the pages and began to skim over the words.
I read without soaking in what I was reading. As I continued to read, when it was I do not know, but all of a sudden I found myself waking up. Mental brakes screeched to a halt and stirred me from my reverie.
“When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food and the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies with yourself”
These words screamed out for my attention. I read and re-read those lines. It got me thinking. I really had no clue when I had bought this book and how my hand had reached out for it amongst the pile of reading material on my shelves. But it had and those words had jumped out to grab my attention. I kept reading further….the book spoke of the Golden thread of gratitude.
The answer to the mystery that has eluded so many for centuries is in one hidden word: GRATITUDE the book said.
“Whoever has gratitude will be given more, and he or she will have an abundance. Whoever does not have gratitude, even what he or she has will be taken from him or her”
These lines stayed with me through the night and in the morning when I awoke, I felt somehow restored. Suddenly I didn’t cough as much, my head seemed to hurt a little less. I do not claim to have mastered the art of gratitude as yet, but I am surely going to give it my best effort.
Every day in every way I feel the clouds parting and I attempt to give thanks for my undoubtedly countless blessings. And when a dark cloud threatens to loom overhead, I do all I can to force it away with thoughts of gratitude.
Tell me have you had a similar experience? Have you had the elements throw you a sign similarly? Share your thoughts and beliefs with us. I would love to learn more.