No no this isn’t going to be a movie review (tad late for that one! ;-)) neither is it going to be any referred story about any Miss Daisy. Instead this is my public and proud declaration that yes indeed I am a female driver. Now before my fellow femme driving fatales take offence let me say Anyviewsoropinionspresentedinthisarticlearesolelythoseoftheauthoranddonotnecessarilyrepresentthoseofthemasses/gender.
Yes I drive.
Yes I have fondly named my car.
Yes I talk to her (it’s a she but naturally) fondly and sternly at times. One mustn’t get over indulgent!
Yes I sing in the car. Loudly and I think gorgeously in tune.
Yes I do mutter a quick prayer each time I start my journey.
I am indeed on close friendly terms with the lady on my GPS. (She can be a bit bossy at times …telling me what to do where to go all the time…but being the good friend that I am I won’t hold that against her)
Indeed I do talk to wayward pedestrians from my car informing them that I have no intention of slowing down, at times even requesting them to stay out of my way. Really I’m nothing if not polite!
When I catch a glimpse of myself on a mirrored surface I cannot help myself, it is only natural for me to spend the briefest of a minute to either admire or lament over the good Lord’s bounty.
If you are kind enough to give me way or let me overtake you I bless you with all my heart.
Should you cut me or refuse me the right of the way, be warned I will invoke all the mighty forces to bless you with two flat tyres. Hell hath no fury and all that…..
Honking at me is a personal insult of the highest order right below calling me……FAT! You have been warned, kindly refer to previously invoked mighty forces and their powers.
When a fellow driver refuses to let me pass I take it to heart. I mean doesn’t he/she/it know about my tough day, doesn’t he/she/it know that I am a hard working harassed mom, doesn’t he/she/it realise I am only rushing to get home. Who cares if he/she/it has similar problems!
When you board my vehicle, yes I do secretly wish you would dust your shoes off first before getting into my lovely clean car.
If you are going to drive my car, I will sanitize the steering after you get off. (Some may say I am mildly OCD, I just think I am cautious)
If you are giving me directions, please try to include some obvious pointers such as ‘next to the shop with the shoe sale’ or ‘near the blue building bearing the giant Simon Baker (drool) hoarding’ in addition to the ‘take the E22, first exit from the roundabout, second right’ etc bits. Make my life easier!
Don’t diss my driving skills, don’t make sudden noises, don’t gesture rudely at me. Miss Daisy and I are stressed enough already cut us some slack won’t you please?